New Evidence Suggests the Boys Were Never Even in Town

The town of Town, Illinois is in hot water after a local ordinance that claimed the Boys were back in Town is now being called into question.

Town held a town hall meeting due to an imminent domain claim from the federal government to build a new thruway right down main street. Townspeople were up in arms that they’d have to move and give up their way of life, which includes going down to Dino’s local bar and grill.

Given no other choice, Town called a state-of-emergency in hopes of buying some time before construction begins, citing the Supreme Court case Boys v. Town. This case set an important precedent in Town’s history, introducing a stop work order whenever the Boys were in Town because, when the Boys are back in Town, things “haven’t changed” -- essentially creating a would-be landmark status on Town and it’s surrounding areas, like Johnny’s Place.

In retaliation, the Mayor of Town, Dino Spumoni, faced a subpoena from the Attorney General and had to appear before the Supreme Court to defend against allegations that the state-of-emergency was just a ploy. The Attorney General’s first witness took the stand, and refuted all evidence supporting that the Boys were anywhere near Town.

“I know the boys weren’t there because…I am one of the boys. We were never even in Town!”

The courtroom was left gasping, and Mayor Spumoni began to sweat profusely as if it won’t be long until summer comes. The court adjourned, but the defense will need something of a jailbreak to get past that damning testimony earlier this morning.

Although the plans for the thruway had bipartisan support at the state level, local efforts like this are just an example of what Town’s people are willing to

do to hold onto their beloved homes.

They’ve yet to come to a ruling but it doesn’t look good for the small town of Town. Can anyone save it from certain destruction? Will any of the other Boys come to Town’s defense? Stay tuned for updates as we continue to cover the story as it develops.